do i need to panic? no. Do i have to worry? definitely no.
I just had a long nice walk with my bestfriend last Saturday night. the bulk of our talk was about the love relationship that we still don't have. we're 20 and turning 21 this year. We're 4th year college students but we shifted so we have to stay for another year. She had had relationships while i haven't. I planned to have relationships after I graduate though Pa had permitted after I turned 18. But of course Ma disagreed, being more "conservative" in this sense. She even told me to have that kind of relationship after med school. and I was like, "are you kidding me?"
anyway, we had this talk of why men don't notice us as woman. My bestriend even considered singlehood but I told her if God had put that desire of getting married in your heart, surely He will never fail. I forgot to mention that He is still writing the greatest lovestory He has for the both of us. We are just so blessed to have each other :). anyhow, a love relationship with the opposite sex is another thing. it's your lifetime partner we're talking about, hello!
So, just the thought that by next year, we are living the portals (though not completely) of the University of the Philippines where we wish to find the one God has intended for us, makes me really want to hunt down that man on my last academic year.
Do I really think I need to be in a relationship next year? Are we ready for this?
While listening to my bestfriend, I asked those questions in my mind. Then, the preaching last Friday reminded me how to be prepared or how to know if you're ready. For the ladies, there are 5 areas we need to be prepared of.
1. Our Heart
2. Our Mind
3. Our Body
4. Our Hand
5. Our Spirit
And for the nth time, I ask myself, "do/will I pursue God more than I pursue this man?" And for the nth time, I assessed myself and I get the same answer: No, you're not. As shameful as it may be, I admit how I don't really primarily pursue God. I had a disordered QQT and prayer times which are really important in our walk with God. Every time I tried to have a QQT and prayer time, I was always overcome by laziness. And with this, I thought that maybe God doesn't reveal that man yet is because He knows I cannot handle it yet even if it's with the one He intended.
I guess I'm just feeling all the blues because of the season. And the issue of loneliness cannot be addressed by having someone by your side. It will return again and again. Thus, we need to overcome it now while we are singles. This is true to insecurity as well which may boil down to the issue of belongingness. Yes, sometimes we get insecure because we don't belong to someone. We believe we're not as pretty as those other girls. Hey, hear this:
We belong to the One whose love is greater than we could ever imagine.
So, there's really nothing to worry about. Love is a very wonderful gift from God and even more wonderful sharing it with someone made for you.
Learning that I still have a long long way to go, I guess I just have to end this blog with: to my future partner, I reserve my love for you. (quoted from a friend but stated from the heart) I hope you reserve your love for me, too. Lets patiently wait and actively prepare for the life we'll share together. (kilig!